Green juice drinkers, stop the presses: Blake Lively’s Martha Stewart-ness has backfired on her. As the actress-slash-self-proclaimed lifestyle guru recounted on her website Preserve, she got attacked by a swarm of bees last weekend—and just before her 27th birthday (this past Monday, August 25), to add insult to literal injury.
In her now-signature style of prose (flowery, slightly convoluted, etc.), Lively described how the bees flocked to her in a threatening hoard. She wrote:
“I don’t know enough about insects to say if they were wasps, honeybees or Mother Nature’s miniature flying tasers. What I DO know, is that just moments before we were in the midst of a gorgeous fall fashion shoot. Now, I was a Monty Python sketch; running at top speed in no particular direction, whipping my arms and hands around like I’d just discovered they were growing out of my shoulders without my previous knowledge. There was a terrible sound piercing the air too… I was later informed this sound had emanated from my very own mouth. I’d prefer to never hear it again. Along with everybody else on the East Coast.”
She then described the aftermath in somewhat gruesome detail, using such verbs like “shriveling,” “melting” and “burning” to fill us in on her living horrors.
“I felt an electric shock of energy–was it excitement that I was about to turn another year older? Was it nerves? Why did it feel like agony? I like getting older … I think.
But this felt terrible. Does your butt quite suddenly (and painfully) deflate when you turn 27? Because mine hurt like hell …then my neck, back, legs and forehead. And oh my hands! They were shriveling. It felt like I was being shot by dozens of tiny invisible darts. I felt like the Wicked Witch, melting, melting, burning, melting.”
It’s tough getting older, ain’t it, Lively?