If this bag were a person, it would be that crotchety lady who lives downstairs. Granny means well, it has survived all these years, but I mean, is it really necessary to bang its broom on the ceiling when you have a few friends over? The music wasn’t that loud! And does it have to comment on your short skirts when you see it in the elevator and not-so-subtly shove all of the free detergent samples in the washing room into its purse? Like, we see you, okay.
This bag is basically a cartoon of all the worst elderly people ever. Think a slightly more feminine version of Archie Bunker and/or Mr. Burns. This bag’s hair has the slight blue sheen and kinda smells like Tums and Chanel No. 5. More like Tums, though. But despite all of that, this bag has some great stories about when it was young. Back in the day, pretty little things like it once was ran fast and loose, hot dogs cost five cents, etc. You listen to those great stories for about 10 minutes and then you kinda tune out but then tune back in again and, thank goodness, catch the best part: the end.
Sara Zucker writes about fashion at Sarazucker.com and does social media for NARS Cosmetics. Her closet is a mess.
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